Why is your child not like other children ?! I admit that I have sinned by asking myself this, rhetorical question.
Every human being is unique, even from the womb of the mother who brings it into the world. But we are somehow guided by all kinds of stereotypes and patterns. And we have expectations. Too many expectations. Be good, get enough sleep, eat everything from the plate and the list can go on forever. So when the nightmare seems to have its personality already, you realize that there are actually no universally valid and applicable rules, that everything is just useless statistics and that you have to guide yourself according to your child’s needs and way of life, without to look over the fence at other mothers and without longing for a “better” child.
Having no tangle with very young children before I became a mother, I thought that in principle, everything is about food, sleep and play. Hm, flower in my ear, I was telling myself then. I mean, what’s so hard about giving him food, taking a bath, letting him sleep and playing with him?
But here, in our case, the “rules” that I thought would be applied not only did not apply, but they also created confusion and frustrations like “Why is mine not like X? “.
As I said, Arya shattered any theory I had. She only sleeps for about an hour a day, two in the happiest case. It only sleeps if I’m around, otherwise the average is 30-40 minutes. She doesn’t eat much food. He likes all the milk and hunger and craving and in no way can I thicken his food on his neck. She often wants to be held in her arms, and that doesn’t mean I’m guilty of “learning it like that.” Things that wouldn’t bother or worry me at all if I didn’t feel the looks or compassionate tone of other mothers. That feeling of distrust inevitably arises, which other mothers serve you with such good will.
What am I not doing well? Why can’t I make him an exact meal and sleep schedule? Why else can I not? It was a time when these questions were stirring me up when other mothers raised their exemplary children. Then I blamed myself for my mistake. Because I compared my child to other children and because I doubted to some extent my ability to be a good mother.
My dear, the idea of this article is this: that we do a great job each, because each child is different and has different needs. Now I don’t feel helpless anymore because Arya doesn’t eat much or eat at all although theoretically she should eat x grams of food at her age. I don’t feel like I’m wrong with something because I sleep too little. Sometimes I just feel so tired. The compassion of the perfect ones took me!
The child is a human being, not a robot. The child tells you what to do before learning to speak. And it’s unique, so it shouldn’t be compared to others. And not even tanned, it’s just not a wild beast. The child must be loved and respected.
So, take a break from a hot seasonal tea and trust yourself and your child. Don’t worry, follow your instinct. This is how great people came from those whose mothers did not live in the age of technology and information. Because of your instinct, intuition or how you want to say it. Moms know, moms can. Moms succeed. Moms are not perfect.